Trust Comes From Trying To

Before I was consistently walking with the Lord, anxiety was a huge issue for me. I could never understand people who just “trusted” God when their situation appeared hopeless.

 The last few weeks were filled with moments where I found my heart hanging out with its old (and unwanted) friend – anxiety. I started getting overwhelmed by minimal things like replying to emails or making my bed. I felt suffocated by my to-do list and held captive by “responsibilities”. When you’ve tasted the true peace of Jesus – when you’ve walked with it and have been saturated in it – you know that there could never be a sufficient substitute for it. True peace can’t be manufactured with your own “positive thinking” and it isn’t something you find on the sale rack at Urban Outfitters. It can’t be found in an app on your iPhone, and it can’t dwell in a place where it’s not honored.

During staff prayer this week, I opened my bible and decided that enough was enough. I asked the Holy Spirit to show me why I was experiencing these moments of worry and panic, and he spoke to my spirit clear as day. “Elizabeth, fear is the root of all anxiety. Now go ahead and tell me what you are so afraid of so that I can tell you that I’ve got it all worked out.”

The world says “Don’t talk about it. Ignore it. It’s just a figure of your imagination” – but Love says, “I’ll never be uninterested in the deep questions, thoughts, and concerns of your heart, dear one.”

I started to make a list of all the things I was worried about, and the new things in life that made me uncomfortable to faithfully step towards. Then I began reading verses that I knew spoke about peace. One by one, just allowing each verse really soak into my spirit.

* Matthew 6:25-36

* Proverbs 3:5-6

* Luke 12: 24-36

* Matthew 11: 28-30

* Psalm 55:22

* Psalm 23:4

* Hebrews 13:5-6

* Psalm 56:3

If you’re anything like me, then you probably get caught up in the “what if’s” of life.

What if Zac and I say yes to what you’re asking us to do and we become so poor we can’t buy milk?

What if this new season is even busier than the last season and I don’t have time to stop and breathe?

What if I devote my entire life to fighting for justice just to find that injustice continues to increase?

I often find myself living in this hypothetical world of “what if’s”. I’ll try and mask the lack of faith with the excuse that I’m just trying to be prepared, but we all know that is not true. Call it what you want, but “what if’s” are nothing but fear trying to cripple your mind into tapping out of what God has for you. There are no “what if’s” in the Kingdom of God. There is only What Is – and that’s faithful, kind, and sovereign.

Something was deposited into my spirit this week that I wouldn’t trade for the entire world. A fresh wave of peace – the ultimate navigation for my soul. Something that can not be defeated, and swallows up fear in exchange for confidence. Something that gives strength to our spirit and purpose to our season. Something that must be honored, protected, and cultivated. Something that is a resting place for miracles and clarity. Something that was once a stranger, but is now a good friend. This place of peace is too sweet of a place to ever leave – so I’m learning how to cultivate a lifestyle where I never have to. Maybe you’d like to join me?

It will be an adventure.

It will take discipline.

But I can promise you,  it will be so worth it…

ebie hepworth